My girlfriend informed me recently that her cousin had her heart crushed, an injury I’ve a fair amount of experience dealing with on both ends. The conversation eventually shifted to discuss advice we’d have given ourselves at that age. We both agreed that the ears of most 20-year-olds automatically shut down upon hearing the words “you’re still young” or “when I was your age.” The first thing that came to mind was the same perspective I offer my yoga students when they inform me of a physical injury they’re working through. Whether a broken heart or torn ACL, there is a similar level of faith required to accept injury as reality— no matter how old you are.

You’ve just had your heart broken? Congratulations!

Contrary to what you might think, this is a very special opportunity to know your emotional self much more intimately. Don’t hold back from learning everything you can during this very sensitive and extremely personal experience. All joking aside, your chances for survival are greatly increased if you can see past the devastation. Your life is no longer how it used to be, and it certainly won’t ever be the same again. Shift happens. Like any other serious injury, you’re going to have to work hard to fully recover.

Not everyone looks at heartbreak as injury, nor injury as an educational opportunity. As such, try to organize your thoughts. It’s possible you didn’t think too much about your heart before. Now it’s all you can think about because, frankly, everything sucks.

Allow yourself to experience every emotion that comes up. Don’t shy away from or numb yourself to the resultant pain. Explore it. Examine where it’s coming from, and how it stops you from moving forward. Study the WHY and HOW of the experience to better create your new WHO.

Pain is not the injury. It’s the symptom. Don’t be afraid to look in the wound. If you can’t face the inner-workings of your own heart, who can?

Accept the fact you’re hurt by accepting your Hurt, the unique source(s) of anguish and despair: Loneliness, fear of failure, co-dependency, laziness, or lack of ambition. Maybe the heartbreak caused them. Perhaps they were there before. Navigating the path of acceptance is often not a walk in the park. Do not rush through these hard parts. This just makes it worse.

Remember, you’ll never not be human. Nothing will change that, no matter how many articles you read, how many yoga classes you take, or how many symptoms you try to cover up. Understand the root of the problem. Despite the highest of intentions or capacity for denial, you can and will be hurt again. Injuries are a great reminder that we are fallible and imperfect, and therefore human. Take comfort in this.

Address the severity of the situation. As humans, we are perfectly entitled to experience shock, betrayal, and sadness from terrible accidents outside of our control. Be honest with yourself during this process of understanding of heartbreak. Repeat the following line of self-inquiry* over and over as many times as you need. Healing a broken heart is not a one-day affair, but a dedicated practice.

WHAT is bothering you?
HOW does it make you feel?
Can you let that go?
If no, WHY?
If yes, WHEN?

An important choice needs to be made: define the injury or the injury will define you.

This will help you to decide if you are a patient, a survivor, or just patiently surviving. No matter what, understand that while true healing undoubtedly comes from inside, your perception of the outside influences how deeply that healing takes hold. Enjoy your celebration of self! Fewer things will ever feel more real than right now.

*Much respect and inspiration to the Sedona Method for inspiring this line of questioning.

Originally posted on MindBodyGreen.com on November 15, 2013 4:50 AM EST